CAMP DAY SCHEDULE. (My Life outside of Work.)

Daylight-9am: Wake up, stretch. Contemplate day. Think about what I will be eating for breakfast.
9am: Abbreviated morning routine, breakfast (that may or may not have been dinner from the night before).
10am: Plan out hike/bike/drive for day. Pack Crunchy Peanut Butter and Jam on Grainy bread for lunch.
10:15am-4:00pm: Play outside: hike, bike, swim, suntan, write in journal, take photos. Laugh with company on camp trip. Contemplate life while staring at mountains/other unbelievable outdoor beauty. Share stories. Trade advise. Smile until your face hurts.
4pm: Nap.
5pm: Open beer.
6-7pm: Make dinner.
7pm-10pm: Sit around campfire, tell more stories. Make smores. Contemplate life. Walk around campground/ wilderness. Feel good vibes, more laughing ensues.
11pm-midnight: Write in Grateful Journal, go to bed smiling, excited for next day.

CAMP DAY SCHEDULE. (My Life inside of Work.)

5:00am- Alarm goes off. Exhale into the air of tent to determine if you need to wear winter jacket to get up. If your nose is cold, frost is on the ground and you can see your breath the answer is yes.
5:05am- dress frantically in dark, fishing clothing out of the bottom of your sleeping bag that you mashed in there last night.
5:08am- Squeeze 15 minute morning routine into 3 minutes.
5:11am- Chickie pails on camp stove, water boiling for coffee.
5:30am- Finish coffee, pull breakfast items, start making breakfast.
6:00am- Coffee and tea out for guests.
6:05am- Build camp fire, set out camp stools, put out table cloths, finish cold breakfast.
6:30am-Start hot breakfast
7:55am- Scurry around camp finish hot breakfast, pull lunch ingredients, fill water coolers, prepare snack table, field all guest questions ranging from 'What is the temperature' to 'How far is our Hike today' to 'What is that mountain behind us'
8:30am- Hot breakfast finished for guest, haul dishes to kitchen, start washing, shove cold cereal and spoiled soy milk into your mouth for breakfast, eat while standing.
9:00am- magically pull your day pack together, pack Crunchy Peanut Butter and Jam on Grainy bread for lunch. Change for day, bid farewell to camp crew, hit the road.
9:30am-4:00pm- Hike, Bike or Alternate activity. Give a talk about the route. Support the route. Answer questions. Teach small children to pee in the woods. Give interpretive talks. Carry around extra water, snacks, sunscreen, bug spray, first aid, clothing. Distribute all of the above. Bandaid blisters. Psycho-analyze. Offer advice. Ask insightful questions. Share with quests. Leader filter on. Best behaviour, word choice, offer options carefully. Feed guests. Gas up van. Shuttle people around.
4:05pm- Catch a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror of the van and shutter, you look bad.
4:30pm- Back at camp. Run shower shuttles. Help with dinner prep. Clean up camp. Start another campfire. Get appetizers on tables.
6:30pm- Go into the camping trailer. Contemplate drinking tequila from the bottle. Sit down on a cooler and sigh. Sit for five minutes alone, until another leader comes in.
7:00pm- Serve dinner, chalk talk about next days activities, clear table, help with dishes, build another campfire.
7:30pm-10:00pm- Finish dinner, answer more questions. Run another set of shower shuttles. Eat dinner standing up. Fix broken tent. play family games. Make bigger camp fire. Smores, little Abby makes you one then drops it into the campfire. Does not make you another one. Bear talk. Answer more questions.
10:05pm- Guests head to bed. Head to kitchen. Open beer. Start pulling lunch for next day, clean out coolers, help camp crew finish cleaning up. Dishes. Extinguish fire.
11:30pm- Leader meeting about days events and plans for tomorrow. Someone might shed a tear or two. Try to get cell phone coverage to send a text. Might or might not work. Try to figure out what day of the week it is.
11:35pm- go to the bathroom and get ready for bed. Count how many days it has been since you showered and make a mental note to apply extra deoderant for next day.
11:40pm- Climb into tent, use headlamp to select clothing for next day. That and smelling the clothes to see if they are too smelly to wear around guests. Toss stuff in bear bin.
11:45pm- Lay on pad and silently curse your luck that you'll be sleeping under six hours. Pray for warm day and safe day next day. Make a mental list of all the logistics you have to accomplish tomorrow morning before breakfast. Think about home. Fall asleep in the middle of your thoughts.

"But you go on vacations for a living!" Exclaim many excitable people. Smile. If only they knew... go on vacations for a living...

Yea, right.