The small green and black card read,
Not that my pen is without ink or I am without ideas. My goals and visions flow freely from my mind to paper in the past few months. Believe me, on paper, I look freaking fantastic. Those parts aren't the challenge, it's the actualization of events, people and things to create the steps to the bridge to the path that will take me there. I dreamt of myself in my late twenties, orange matching rain boots and umbrella, khaki trench and a perfect smile, career, body and life, walking strongly into the drizzling rain, unscathed, unfazed. I didn't exactly imagine I would be the girl with the orange rain boots and umbrella that couldn't completely open, hair and face getting more and more drenched by the minute as she struggles to open the umbrella, answer her phone, pay her bills and find a new career. Not quite as fabulous.
As I watch people rev up and ramp up their New Years Resolutions (a word that has had me shuttering for years... even in my undergrad) I am even more aware of the questions that lie ahead in the New Year. Out there people are going to get fit, quit smoking, enjoy life more, change their career, spend more time with family and friends (etc. etc. etc.) 2011 feels like an endless wave of change, so completely new that planning must happen in short small bursts, to keep me from crying in short, small bursts and feeling completely overwhelmed.
Yes, these are exciting times. So Much to Look Forward To. Many Questions will be Answered. New Trails Will be Blazed. A New Adventure to be Had.
Future-itis is a small, simple ailment that can befall anyone at anytime. It can last for short bursts or long months. It sits, a small pocket of unknown, inside your head and heart. Sometimes it is helpful, sometimes it is harmful. You just want to make sure you use it for what you can, and not make too good a friend with it. And above all, know that everyone suffers from it a little bit at certain times. If every little part of your life was completely known, would that really be any fun anyway?
Back to struggling to hold open the umbrella. At least it is Orange.