“It’s been a long December and theres reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last….” -Counting Crows

I had the urge to compose a blog that discussed my successes and failures of 2011. However, the predominant emotion that flooded me every time I started writing was equivalent to the feeling I experience when I have to open my Visa statement. Must plant self firmly on chair. Feet and shoulders square. Inhale, exhale. Fight the urge to pour a glass of wine in order to scrape together the courage to open the statement. I decided if the adrenaline response that accompanied viewing my debt was present in writing my year end review, I'd pass on writing it for 2011.

These past weeks haven't been outstanding in the way of reflection. I spent the first 19 days of the month in a scramble that consisted of packing, working, training, moving, errands, being unwell and generally irritable. I collapsed into a heap upon my return to Calgary and became a social hermit. Unable and unwilling to repeat the Story of The Month (nay- Year!) That Just Passed it felt easier to nurse the end of my cold with Christmas cookies and lots of hugs from my parents.

However, in the final days of the month my energy has returned slowly and my desire to move about is increasing. I managed to pull myself together enough for some visiting, some light training and some pulling together of self. I believe other people refer to this as, "getting shit done." In that span of time I also managed to secure a Big Girl Job -more about that in the year ahead- which is a relief considering the hodge podge of work I pieced together this year. There is still so much to sort: people I'd love to see, training plans to put into place, documents to change back to Alberta. In the mean time, I have been doing little things when I have the energy, running outside, swimming at TC and attending yoga. I still notice a sense of discombobulation; as though I am fighting an invisible forcefield of energy that isn't allowing me to relax entirely into the circumstances present. For this I only ask for patience, and a respect to myself for the experiences of this year. At some point this light fog will lift and I can reflect wholeheartedly on the year for all its peaks and valleys. (I also hope around the same time I will completely adjust the the altitude which is cracking my lips, bugging my eyeballs and making hangnails and gasping for breath during workouts a common occurrence.)

While trying to write a list of Top 100 Things of 2011, my goals for the next year, my reflection on the year past, I let myself be distracted by other folks thoughts on this. These are just a few of the Blogs I follow who had a few words to say on the topic.

Brene Brown writes about finding magic in the mess. The image at the bottom of this blog is also hers.

Every year my friend and fellow blogger Sarah writes about the books she reads during the year. (She also inspired me a few years ago to keep track of what I read, although she easily doubles me in volume). She usually gives a clever review to most the novels, and a few big nods to the winners. So I loved it when this year she deviated and wrote, THIS YEARS WORST READS. Bravo. Not everything is great all the time.

Emily Wapnick runs a business serving "Multipotentialites". I resonate with the idea, and I really liked learning about her trials and errors of this year.

Let the Fictional Psychologist in me indulge in a little Authenticity. Setting Authentic Resolutions is a psych-laden but relevant read that intrigued me.

In the funniest of all blogs on this topic is Susan Lacke, one of my favourite twitter personalities and triathlete/runner authors. Penning articles that range from hilarious to gut-wrenching hysterical, she posts a great one on resolutions as suggestions. Copy and paste the link to read it: http://bit.ly/sFu5UL

So while I didn't write anything too personal or meaty, I am sure I can save that for a few posts in 2012.

To a Wholehearted New Year!